Think back to your favorite vacation…your honeymoon, a family vacation, a nice beach or mountain lodge. Your vacation is stopped abruptly, and you’re told that you now have to wake up early, rush to get ready and out the door, and go get some work done. As adults we learn to cope with the ending of trips, vacations, or time off of work. We usually prepare ourselves for what is to come. We usually imagine how are days will change. We may give ourselves grace for mistakes or slowness. We may give ourselves some extra love using exercise, a nice bath, alone time, or meditation. Although we know the importance of utilizing these skills, as a society we throw our children back into the school year, often with little warning of what is to come. We trust their teachers, and we trust that they will make friends and learn new things. We hope for the best and then work to fix it if the transition does not go well.
While many children look forward to starting a new school year, to the anxiety prone kiddo, going back to school can be terrifying. Newness may be accompanied by worry, anxiety, and fear of what is to come. Children often have a difficult time expressing these worries, coping with these feelings, and even making it through the school day. Instead, kids will often complain of stomach aches, nausea, feeling tired, or not wanting to go to school. As parents we feel lost. How can we help without being there by their side? How can we help our kids prepare and make it through the day? What can we do to make our kids feel better?
Starting from right after school, up until the next morning, there are things that we can do to help our children move through their days with a greater sense of calm.
1. Talking Schedules
Often times parents aren’t provided with a lot of information prior to the school year beginning. Outside of the name of our child’s teacher, a school supply list, and a classroom number, we often know very little going into the new school year. However by day 2, your kiddo has probably already settled into a schedule. Talk to your child. Ask them about the structure of their day with a goal of obtaining as much information as possible. In doing this, you are helping your child imprint their schedule, and in turn, you are helping to create predictability. Review your child’s day with a sense of happiness and positivity. Be expressive and engaged when learning about their day. Talk with your child about any changes that may come the next day: a change from art to music, a change in who your child may sit next to at lunch, a change in science units. Using this method, we are simply engaging in natural conversation while creating predictability and awareness of potential day to day change.
2. Dinner Conversation
Talking can be difficult for children, particularly during times of stress. There are a number of fun games that you can play with your kids to engage them in conversation.
|Highs and Lows
Ask your children to identify one low and two highs of their day. In this way you may gain some insight into the stem of their anxiety while increasing the child’s awareness of positive things that occurred throughout the day.
|Predict the Future
Ask your child to think of one thing that may happen in tomorrow’s day. Make it fun, and encourage your child to think of things that create laughter or silliness. The most efficient way to do this is to play along too!
|Silly Sentences
If you’re looking for a light game to play at dinner, silly sentences is your game. Give your child a letter and ask them to think of a sentence beginning with said letter or using as many words as possible beginning with that letter. For example: “B…Busy Babies Bought Beautiful Bouquets” By utilizing this type of game, you are requiring your child to think of things beyond school. You are providing a distraction to their anxiety while creating a fun environment at the same time.
3. Before Bed
Create a bed time routine that can be followed on school nights. Schedules are proven to help anxiety both in adults in children. When we know what is coming next, we have a sense of predictability and certainty. While each child is different, there are some things that can be included to help any kiddo.
|Lay out clothes
Laying out clothes for the following day not only helps to create a routine at night, but it also assists in reducing chaos in the early morning. Let your child be a part of the process by including them. If your child has a hard time matching, have them pick out one article of clothing to wear, and the parent can pick out the matching second article.
|Preparing Lunch
Kids often really enjoy helping with food preparation. They may be able to help get containers together, put lids on, zip plastic bags, or putting items in the lunch box. If this isn’t reasonable in your home, you can include your kids in other ways. One of my favorite ways to do this is to have your kids pick out each part of their lunch. While this sounds overwhelming to many parents, it doesn’t have to be. Give your child two options for each piece of their lunch. For example, “Do you want turkey or ham….do you want an apple or an orange?” By doing this, you provide your child with a greater sense of control for the upcoming day.
|Add Something Fun, but Calm
Add something fun, but calm, to the nighttime routine. In this way you make the routine less robotic and cold. Parents have used many things to fill this category but some include: have your child pick an essential oil and fill a diffuser, have your child pick a stuffed animal to join them in bed that night and have them tell you why, or have your child pick a book to read with you. By picking something calm and consistent, this routine will begin to let your child’s brain know that sleep is coming.
4. Waking Up in the Morning
With many children, rushing and a sense of urgency can increase anxiety, heart rate, and stress. This often occurs in the mornings as we rush to get out of the door in time. By waking up just 10-15 minutes earlier, we can create a calmer environment to get ready for the day. Having a morning routine may also help children get ready more efficiently as it tends to help with forgetfulness and clarity.